I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
