dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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