her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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