Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
