Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize