so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
