that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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