man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
