i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
