from now on my penis is your penis
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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