i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
