she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
