We won't sleep together?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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