look no pants
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
