Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
