so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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