He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
