just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
