how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
