If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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