I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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