I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
