Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
