I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
