The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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