Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
