Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
