dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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