So drunk its hurt
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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