She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
