so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
