How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
