He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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