there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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