So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize