This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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