Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
