I accidentally burped into my bong.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize