Tell her she can't have a vagina
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
