it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
