How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
