I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize