Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
