Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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