dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
