im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize