my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Randomize
