I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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