Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
