No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
