More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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