she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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