you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
