I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize