Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
