We're like a lot better than the average bears
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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