You really coming over, don't trick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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