Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
