I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
