she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
