Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
