hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
third nipple confirmed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
