Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize