Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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