he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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