If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
