Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
