I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
