did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
