DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
