Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
