so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
