if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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