NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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