I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
