It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize