Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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