Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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