tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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