I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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