Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize