why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
