I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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