Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
