the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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