I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize