omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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