he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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