Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
