I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
