I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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