dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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