If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
