sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
