Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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