Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
