I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
