Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
