I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
